The Holding Hands On The First Date Dilemma
Holding hands on the first date might seem like such a simple act but it’s definitely more than that and anyone who tells you differently is wrong.
Hand holding is so much more than that and it can either improve or kill your game.
Holding hands too early, for example, or even in the wrong way, can set you up for a huge fail so you need to take this very seriously. The right moves can put you in the fast lane for a successful first date.
What’s the deal with holding Hands on first date?
Hand holding is a very intimate act in itself. It might not look like it – especially when you see couples casually holding hands in the grocery store, or while they’re walking in the park, but it is.
Did you know that holding hands can actually be more intimate than your first kiss? Yes, that’s right – so use this as a barometer when you’re deciding whether now is the time to take that step.
A kiss can be many things – passionate, lustful, romantic – but handholding is mostly about intimacy.
Just think about how many people you’d be willing to hold hands with in your life. Chances are, it’s not many. There is something about touching another person’s palms with your own that is intimate and there’s a time and place for it.
This is why rushing into it can make things really awkward. With that being said, research has shown that hand holding actually releases oxytocin, which allows people to bond.
So how do you know when’s the right time to reach out and hold her hand?
Reading the signs
I once had a guy reach out and try to hold my hand within a few minutes of our first date. We were sitting across from each other at a coffee shop and within a few seconds, things became really weird.
All I wanted to do was pull my hand away and eventually I did. Then I left. Do you think I called that guy again? Definitely not. Why, you might ask?
When this guy tried holding hands on first date, it just made me feel like he was desperate and needy. It wasn’t romantic. I barely knew him.
In holding hands is about settling into a certain level of comfort with someone, and while that is rare on a first date, it is possible.
If she’s not comfortable with you yet, don’t try to hold her hand.
Showing her off
Holding hands on the first date can also be a way of showing your girl off. If you’re both walking through a pub, for example, reach out and hold her hand as you guide her to your seat.
This shows that your confident – that you’re dominant – and it can be sexy as all hell.
This doesn’t mean that you stay holding her hand once you’re seated. Know when to reach out for her and when to let her go.
The yawn and stretch
The age-old yawn and stretch is the classic “arm over the shoulder” move that you’ll see in romantic comedies when a couple is on a date at the movies.
With your hand draped over her shoulder, she can reach up and hold your hand.
This allows you both to be that little bit closer – and it also puts the ball in her court as to whether she wants to hold your hand or not.
If she doesn’t, you won’t look silly because you’ll still be holding her.
How to hold hands on a First Date
The moment you’ve decided that it’s the right time to hold her hand, you then need to decide how to hold her hand. There are many different ways – fingers interlaced or not, with a firm or loose grip.
You both need to be comfortable when holding hands and if she’s got small, dainty hands, you don’t want to put her in a vice grip.
You also don’t want to hold her hands so gently that she’s not sure whether you’re holding or stroking her hand.
A happy medium is usually the right way to go. You need to be firm enough that if she wants to let go of your hand, she can without wrestling you to let go.
When it comes to hand holding, there’s no precise way to do it perfectly. It’s like a first kiss – you can have the theory down pat, but a big part of your success is going to come from listening to and following your gut instinct.
Remember, you shouldn’t have to put so much thought into this action that it becomes robotic.
Don’t overthink it too much – if holding hands on the first date feels right, go with the flow and pay attention to how she responds. If she’s not comfortable, back off a little and try again later. It’s not about perfection.