One question that I am frequently asked is:
what attracts a woman most to a man?
Some guys think that attractiveness is genetically determined, whereas others think that women gauge male attractiveness based on lifestyle factors.
I intend to expose THE common misconception about what attracts a woman to a man sexually, and offer you a completely candid, truthful assessment.
You will discover the psychological elements of what attracts a woman to a man at first sight, and how these elements explain why certain myths about attraction arise.
Unpicking the Complexity of Attraction
Attraction is not easy to understand in many cases. Here’s why:
1. Genetics play a large part in attraction — women are hard wired to react to particular characteristics, such as dominance, height, confidence, etc. Centuries ago, the men who exhibited these characteristics produced children with a greater likelihood of survival, compared to men who didn’t.
Consequently, most of the children who survived tended to be fathered by these men. Although the rate of success was not huge, over many centuries even a slight advantage becomes evident and prevalent in a species.
2. These genetic factors relate to what worked in a society that barely resembles the modern world. Nowadays, we do not have to forage and hunt for food, flee from predators, or fight wars with local tribes.
Genetic characteristics that used to be a hindrance are not so problematic anymore. Those who would have died in the past can now function as successful, productive members of their communities, and can provide for their families.
While you do not have to be a stereotypical alpha male to prosper in today’s society, this evolutionary instinct is still there, and it propels women towards men who act like this.
Do not attempt to behave like an alpha male however — because what you believe this involves and what it really does involve are probably two different things.
What attracts a woman to a man physically is governed largely by the man’s body language, behaviors, beliefs and, of course, physical appearance.
In the modern world, attractive men are not aggressive thugs, who display their strength by pushing weaker people around. They are simply normal people who are happy with themselves, confident (but not arrogant), well rounded, open minded, and prepared to spend some time going out and socializing with others.
The Biggest Misconception About Attraction:
You Have to be Tall, and/or Rich, and/or Socially Connected to Attract Women
I realize that I just mentioned that women are hard wired to desire these characteristics, so it may appear as if I am contradicting myself.
Particularly because people often report seeing beautiful women in the company of rich, tall, successful men. CEOs, movie stars – men with fast cars and nice houses.
Notwithstanding, the fact that it APPEARS as if looks, height, money and social status attracts women reflects a common cognitive mistake: that of confusing correlation with causality.
Causality means that one factor causes another, such as being wealthy causes women to desire you. Correlation means that one factor is connected to another, such as wealthy men having a greater likelihood of attracting beautiful women, but not just due to their money.
Obviously, there are some women who do not date men below a particular height, level of income, etc, however most women are not like this.
This begs the question: why should we think that social status, wealth, height, etc are correlates instead of causes?
The answer can be found in the manner that women identify these characteristics in men. Let’s say that women are drawn to men with money and social status. In this situation, a good evolutionary tactic for men could be to imitate these characteristics.
Bearing the offspring of an impostor could be catastrophic for a woman, because an impostor will not have sufficient resources to take care of her children.
To combat this, women require some way of knowing which men are impostors, and which men genuinely are rich and socially connected. One method of doing this is to develop an advanced sense of social awareness, to understand what the behavior of a successful man looks like, in comparison to how an impostor behaves.
These behaviors become the main attraction source.
Women are not directly attracted to social status and wealth. Instead, they are attracted to behaviors that suggest a man has social status and wealth.
This explains why it appears as if money, height and social connections are important.
Let me ask you a question:
If you suddenly grew a few inches in height, became more handsome and won the lottery, would you act like you do at the moment?
Of course you wouldn’t!
You would immediately become happier, more confident and more relaxed, etc.
Women sense these behaviors, and it is these behavioral patterns that form the basis of their attraction, rather than the status and money itself.
Does Confidence Compensate for Shortcomings in Appearance/Wealth/Height/etc?
Confidence certainly doesn’t do any harm, however you still have to do everything possible to improve your attractiveness. Working out and eating a healthy diet will enhance your looks and boost your confidence immeasurably. Although you can still get a date if you drive an old banger, women are usually impressed by a sleek sports car.
Essentially, confidence is useful, but women will quickly lose interest if you are bereft of passion, ambition or life goals. You may get laid, however why would an attractive, fun, intelligent woman pursue a long term relationship with a lazy, confident man, when there are lots of ambitious, confident men out there?
Suffice to say, you need to sort your life out to a reasonable extent. You don’t have to be wealthy and have rippling muscles, but you should address any obvious weakness. Providing you are in fairly good shape, are well presented, own a car that is not on its’ last legs, and have your own place that is clean and habitable, you are doing alright.
The Role Confidence Plays in Making You More Attractive To Women
A confident man is comfortable in his own skin. He is consistent in his beliefs and behavior, and able to articulate himself, without being concerned about what other people think.
Those who are socially inept, lacking in confidence, and scared to say what they think broadcast to others that they are happy to repress their own instincts, in order to be socially accepted.
This suggests that they are not accustomed to being dominant in social situations, and usually fail to argue their opinions successfully. Perhaps they have suffered social humiliation before, or maybe they are angry at the world and their anxiety about rejection causes hesitation and doubt.
Men who attract women, due to their good looks, are not usually smooth George Clooney types. Actually, I struggle to think of even one guy I know who is like that. In my experience, good looking guys, who are serious and quiet, are typically successful with women – despite the fact that their personalities are rather dull.
The reality is that some women will overlook these types of shortcomings, if they have a strong physical attraction to a man.
The majority of guys who do well with women are pleasant to be around. They are happy to display their quirky, goofy side. They are outgoing and daring.
A real example of a man who isn’t traditionally handsome, but has an appealing personality, is Michael Cera (photo). He’s the kind of guy that women claim to have a ‘strange crush’ on – the kind who isn’t body beautiful, but still has the ‘X’ factor.
These Tips Will Improve Your Physical Attractiveness
Don’t forget, you don’t have to be a buff, smooth talking gigolo (pretending to be someone you’re not tends to backfire), you simply have to give the impression that you made an effort.
1. Cultivate a style that portrays your personality. Avoid wearing random items of clothing, and consider what type of image you wish to project. When a woman looks at you, what does she see? Try to put yourself in the shoes of your ideal woman: if you were her, would you be attracted to a guy like you? Your style should demonstrate your uniqueness as an individual, and set you apart from the average Joe.
2. Visit the gym a minimum of once each week, regardless of what shape you are in. As well as improving your physical appearance, it will improve your confidence too. If you are out of shape, this is doubly important.
3. Visit a good hairdresser. Locate a reputable salon in your city. You may not appreciate the difference between an expensive haircut and a cheap haircut, however I guarantee you that women do. Highly trained stylists, who are good at their jobs, understand what type of haircut fits your face and will do a far better job. It costs about $50 for a decent haircut in most big cities.
4. Be aware of your body language. This is crucial, but difficult to monitor yourself. I advise filming yourself speaking, to discover what your eye contact and facial expression is like, whether you fidget too much, and whether you sway backwards and forwards, etc. Research body language techniques, and try to be conscious of your physical movements. It will be hard initially, but you will adapt.
5. Pay attention to your personal grooming. Get rid of ear/nose hair and ensure that your beard is trimmed. Beards are fine, however don’t allow it to grow haphazardly. If you have skin problems, consult a physician or experiment with some skin care creams. Shave off your unibrow, even if this only consists of a few thick follicles of hair between your eyes. Your haircut and facial hair should complement each other.
These Tips Will Improve Your Personality
It is far more difficult to make your personality attractive, compared to making yourself physically attractive. With physical attractiveness, there are some hard and fast rules that all guys can follow.
In contrast, the psychology of what attracts women to men is complex and varied, so what works for one guy won’t necessarily work for another.
The secret to enhancing your emotional attractiveness is to be yourself, however most people don’t understand precisely how to do this. This problem is compounded by the fact that many so called ‘dating gurus’ advise you to act like a different, suaver version of yourself.
Usually, when guys try to do this, they end up looking ridiculous.
1. Know yourself. One intriguing fact is that demographics (income level, location, etc) are an extremely accurate indicator of what someone will think. If you were to ask many people about their opinions, values and life goals, they would not be able to give you a consistent, coherent answer.
Understanding what you desire and having a life direction that is consistent with your personality is highly attractive. Women adore men who know what they want and go after it with all guns blazing.
2. Learn to be comfortable in your own company. Being too needy is guaranteed to alienate any woman you are trying to make a good impression on. Ensure that you spend some time alone, without passively watching media. By this, I mean that you should not lounge around staring at the television, or trolling on Twitter.
Instead, I mean that you should try meditating, reading, contemplating, and being more in touch with your core beliefs. We encounter such a lot of social pressure in our day to day lives, that a concerted effort is required to sort the wheat from the chaff, and discover what we want and who we are.
3. Eradicate limiting or negative thoughts. Do you think that you are unworthy, incapable and uncool? Do you believe, in the pit of your stomach, that you really deserve the life you crave and the woman of your dreams? Alternatively, do you actually believe that the women you desire are out of reach? Similarly, is the career, car, house and lifestyle you always wanted just a pipe dream?
Find out the root cause of these thoughts. What makes you think these things? Do you have truly valid justifications? It might be that you are attaching too much importance to some events or people, when trying to form an opinion about yourself. In the end, you should only attempt to satisfy your own standards, and not the standards set by other people.
4. Get used to expressing yourself authentically and being self aware. Develop an awareness of your actions — i.e. what you do and say. Do your actions support your core beliefs and intended life goals? Visualize the person you want to be, and actively try to behave like that person everyday.
Say what’s on your mind and let your instinct guide your actions — do not let anyone intimidate you into biting your tongue, when it comes to standing up for what you believe in. Attractive men are happy to risk criticism or rejection, to get what they want out of life.
5. Design your lifestyle around your goals. If there are certain things that you wish to improve about your life, such as earning more money, becoming fitter, mastering a new skill, meeting new people, etc, make a list of those things and devise a plan to reach them.
Setting targets to work towards helps you in a lot of ways: it gives you confidence after you achieve them, motivation while you are pursuing them, and a feeling of satisfaction that results from having a clear life plan.