When my ex and I broke up, we decided that we would remain friends. After all, we were friends before we started dating. We did not make any conscious effort to make a change in our usual routine when we were still together. We would still hang out together after classes (I was in college that time). We would go to the mall, eat somewhere or watch movies together during weekend. We would even have sex occasionally.
After sleeping together a few times, I thought, nothing is really changed. It is as if we never even broke up in the first place! It would have been fine except that I felt the situation would defeat the purpose of the break up. Issues will not be addressed and we would be back at square one.
It would be difficult for either of us to move forward together or with different partners. Getting back together with an ex is quite complicated, even when there is no third party involved. So you could just imagine how difficult it is to get back together if your breakup was due to cheating. Several things need to transpire first in order to increase your chances of getting back together with an ex.
1. Forgive each other (or more likely, ask forgiveness)
If your ex cheated on you (or you cheated on your ex), then forgive each other first. Cheating should not be the only reason for seeking forgiveness. It could be any forms of disloyalty, breach of trust or neglect of your partner. Not being able to forgive the other because of their shortcomings will not be healthy for the relationship and will only cause more trouble in the future.
2. Manage Your Emotions
It is true. It is hard to control your emotions especially anger. It is easy to get into a fight when both of you do not know how to handle your emotions. Here is a tip when you feel like your head will blow up from being too angry, never confront your partner. Most women expect us to stay quiet when they are raving mad (or when they are nagging you) but sometimes it is hard not to speak up and defend yourself. When you see yourself in this situation, go somewhere where you can be alone. If you have serious anger management issues, it would be best not to talk to any human at all.
3. Identify your dealbreaker
What was the reason for the breakup? Did you and your partner talk about dealbreakers in your relationship? Could it be she wanted kids and you didn’t? Does she want to get married and you do not feel the need for it? Chances are, you were not able to come into a compromise or meet halfway and this could be one of the reasons for the breakup. Before getting back together with your ex, make sure that you have discuss and identify dealbreakers in your relationship and come up ways to address them.
4. Keep communication lines open
Yes, I know. It could somewhat be uncomfortable to report everything to your partner especially if you need to let out your feelings in order to be able to talk about it and resolve any past differences. For instance, women will often tell you there is nothing wrong when obviously something is bothering them. You have to let your partner know that instead of bottling her emotions or keeping to herself whatever is bothering her, it would be better if both of you should talk it out as soon as possible.
5. Observe changes in your relationship
In the course of your relationship, did your partner ever tell you you’ve changed? If she did, then there might be something good that you stopped doing. On the other hand, if you have broken up due to cheating, there would always be trust issues in the relationship. Expect that whoever cheated will find it difficult to earn the trust of his or her partner back. After talking about your past issues or the reason for your breakup, did you see any improvements or positive changes in your partner or in you? It could be difficult to assess yourself so you might need the help of your partner. Do not hesitate to ask her. After all, her opinion matter the most.
Instead of waiting for things to happen, make an effort to control the situation so it would be favorable for both of you. Once you have identified problem areas and issues in your relationship, it would be easy to find ways to address them. One way to overcome the problem is to anticipate it and find alternative ways to solve it even before it appears. If you sense something is wrong with the relationship, do not be complacent. Analyze the situation, identify the problem, communicate with your partner and solve them together. Always look back and evaluate your actions. Keep those that help improve your relationship and scrap those that do not provide any significant improvements in the relationship.
Sometimes, no matter which course of action we take; there are things that will never ever workout. There are things that we cannot change in our partner. If you are sincere in getting back together, then you must learn how to accept those things that cannot be changed. Your partner may have certain habit, characteristic or belief that you cannot change no matter what you do or no matter how much you talk about it. In that case, it will be totally up to you. Are you willing to give it a second shot even if you know that something has not changed and never will? If you are prepared for it, then by all means, go ahead and give it a try. Whatever the outcome is, be wise enough to move on if you see and feel that the relationship is not growing. Walking away might be the best recourse rather than getting back together with an ex.
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