I know what you are thinking: girls, women are very complicated creatures. So complicated, in fact that walking on hot coals would be much easier than getting up the nerve to talk to them, especially the ones you’ve never met in person.
You’d think that with the advent of the Internet, social media, private messaging and its ilk that dating would be so much easier. Well, is it?
Actually, you’re right. Meeting a girl and talking to her just got that much more convenient thanks to online platforms and apps. These days, you don’t have to look like a supermodel or be a rock star just to start a conversation with someone who catches your eye.
What you really need is confidence – the kind that girls find attractive.
Armed with enough confidence and a few techniques, you will learn how to talk to a girl on Facebook that you’ve never met in a few simple steps.
Walk in Her Shoes
We are talking about perspective here. The reason why some men find it difficult to understand how a woman’s mind works is that they refuse to see things from her perspective. Women are wired differently and they think differently.
It’s not sexist to acknowledge the fact that women look at things from a different point of view, based mostly on their experience, their expectations and the expectations people have of them. It’s just the plain truth. So if you want women to become interested in you, consider how she feels and thinks.
Women are thinking, feeling creatures. They are not divine beings, goddesses, or angels. Talk to her on a level that does not insult her intelligence or make her feel as if she’s just another notch on your imaginary ruler. Women, like men, like to be flattered but flatter her too much and she’ll know.
Treat Facebook As a Platform
Facebook is so popular that we tend to see it as a highly potent magical wand that gives us what we want in a single finger swipe or click of a button.
Now, wouldn’t life be a lot easier if it were that simple?
But each time we go online and chat up someone, people become complacent with what Facebook and similar websites allow them to do. And therein lies the problem.
To keep things simple, consider Facebook Chat for what it is: a place for online conversation.
Although it is a preliminary step to getting to know someone better, it is not the only step.
It is simply a start.
You should be very careful using it, though. Many women take what they read on Facebook Chat quite seriously, so always think twice about what you type.
If you make a joke, for example, keep in mind how easy it is to take it out of context, considering that the platform takes away your ability to tell that joke using your tone of voice, facial expression and body language.
Without this ability, it will be very easy for anyone to take offense at a perfectly innocent (and awesome) punchline.
If you have never met online, send her a friend request, then wait for her to accept it. Great if she does, but if she does not, do not go psycho over it.
She may have a good reason why she refused your request, so do not take it too hard. More likely than not, it is nothing personal.
If she chooses to go her merry way, just be cool about it.
If she accepts, introduce yourself first, especially if you have a mutual friend. Keep it casual and honest. She’ll appreciate you for it.
Keep the conversation light and simple.
There really is no need to rack your brains to find something clever to say. A clear and straightforward, “Hi”, “Hello”, “What’s Up” will suffice.
You could also add some information about yourself in a way that allows her to see your connection. Say something like,
“I see you are a member of the Cosplay Club with Megan. I’ve been going to your annual event every year. Are there plans for the event this year yet?“, or,
“Megan is a mutual acquaintance of ours, so I figured I’d say hi now just in case we meet in person in the future.“
Let Your Conversation Flow Naturally
Once you have gone past the initial pleasantries, your next goal would be to keep the conversation going.
Here is where many well-meaning guys make a mistake. By trying to keep the girl interested, they overrun the conversation by lording it over and babbling on about a dozen different things. .
Do not do this or she’ll get bored or worse, think you’re weird.
Instead, look for common ground to talk about, such as classes you both attend, places and events you go to, or activities you are both interested in.
By now, you should have already done your research about her and what she does, so steer the conversation in that common direction.
Be interested in what she has to say. Read her reply, then follow through with it.
When you reply to her message, always keep in mind what you would feel or think if you were in her place. Be engaging but not too inquisitive.
Keep the Connection Even After You Go Offline
You cannot keep sending messages 24/7, so if you hit it off and you still want to move forward, it’s time to transition. Say something like,
“I really enjoyed our conversation about (subject). Shoot me your number lets hang out sometime“
Don’t ask if she wants to hang out, tell her!
Ask Her Out
Now that you’ve made a good first impression, it’s time to up the ante. Let’s just say that if you enjoyed your conversation on Facebook, there’s a good chance you’ll like it better in person, so move your focus towards that goal.
Start by asking her to something you talked about recently that you are both really interested in. It could be a show, a performance, a game or event. If your mutual friend is into it, that’s even better.
Keep it casual. Say something like,
“Megan’s band is performing at Paper Bags this Friday. Want to go?“, or
“There’s an ice cream festival coming up. Let’s check it out.“
By keeping the actual meeting on mutual interest ground, you increase the possibility of giving her an enjoyable time.
How to Pick Up a Girl on Facebook: The Dos and Don’ts
Always Be Interested
If you’re bored, she’ll know and trust me, she won’t be staying around for long. Be enthusiastic and show excitement about a mutual interest.
Let her know that you are interested in what she has to say. This is a woman who is sharing something with you, so the best you can do is to listen and appreciate it.
Let Her Know You
Start with a good profile picture of yourself. A closeup is excellent or a shot that includes your head and torso will do. She has to be able to recognize you so she can associate an image with your words and ideas. Make sure it’s a good profile picture that shows off your personality.
Keep away from photos of you goofing off or wearing a costume and avoid using photos of other people, even if these are people you admire.
Have a Backup Plan
Before you ask a girl out on Facebook, know what you are getting into. Do some research about her by viewing her profile. If you have a common friend, ask what she likes. Look for things you are both interested in, then use that information to start and sustain a conversation later.
Don’t Overthink It
Keep in mind that you are talking to another human being. She’s not descended from Mt. Olympus or Valhalla. She’s a girl who, like you, have certain likes and dislikes. If you can tune in to what she likes, then you will find yourself in the right track.
Maintain a Practical Approach
You may get along well and move the relationship forward, or you may not – it’s perfectly all right. What matters is that you took a shot.
I believe that being nice is seriously underrated. Girls actually like guys who are honest, open and friendly. If you are intrusive, too forward and a general nuisance, just kiss your chances with her goodbye.
Women treat men who are a nuisance like they would a contagious disease. If you bother her too much or take away too much of her time and attention, she might start avoiding you.
Give her the opportunity and time to send her replies and show respect about her space. If you come across as too needy, you won’t score points with her.
Profanity can be funny or emphatic but it is not always appreciated, especially by women you’ve only just met. Watch your language during your conversations, not because you’re pretending but because you’re being a decent person.
Stay Away From Potentially Offensive Stuff
If you have a strong opinion about something, it’s best to keep it to yourself – at least, initially. Religion, politics, economics, world affairs – these are all interesting topics but they could also be polarizing. Respect her opinion and avoid saying something that could be insulting or embarrassing for her.
Don’t Show Off
Sure, you could be nervous about meeting and getting to know a beautiful girl but that’s just normal. Showing off about yourself and your accomplishments, however, is not. Again, keep the conversation light and focus on getting to know her better.
Be Friendly, Not Flirty
There’s nothing wrong about flirting with someone, especially if you like her but during the first stage of getting acquainted, you could come off as too forward or aggressive. Show interest and give her compliments from time to time but avoid flirty or worse, sexual overtures.
That could send her running to the opposite direction.
Do Not Over analyze
It’s just dating, not rocket science. If you analyze every little detail you read, you could end up missing a great deal of fun. Keep it simple and let things progress naturally. You’ll be glad you did.