If you are like most of us gentleman out there, you are likely thinking that changing a beautiful lady’s mind about you is virtually impossible.
A prime example of this is what I like to call the night club approach: essentially, most attractive and available women are undoubtedly going to assume that men who approach them in a drinking or dancing establishment are about to sleazily hit on them in a pathetic, “puh-lease return my affection; I am everything you have ever wanted or needed” sort of manner.
Rule one in my book of “how to make her want you” is: Don’t be that guy.
Don’t be the needy dude that sleazily hits on a string of random women or the classless guy that offers up photos of his ahem, private areas in a feeble—not to mention unsuccessful—attempt to impress.
There is no need to be creepy, unethical or desperate. Relax, and be yourself. This is not like planting an idea in the head of an important person, and influencing a specific chain of events a la the blockbuster hit “Inception.”
You are not Leo DiCaprio and you are not hacking into a person’s mind—which would be downright spine-chilling in itself. What I am about to tell you may be a shock, but there is no real “trick” to making someone want you.
To gain the interest of a beautiful women be a gentleman!
This alone can put you a notch above the completion—but you can also make powerful, yet subtle, suggestions when first speaking to a woman you are interested in.
First off, don’t simply stroll up to her and proudly proclaim:
Hello there, beautiful. I am nothing like those other guys who you may have shot down in the past. I refuse to buy you a drink then prattle on about how attractive I am or how my eyes are endless pools of blue. No way. I am so very different from those losers.
Not only does that signal to her that you are exactly the same—if not worse—than those jokers that have hit on her before, it simply does not work like this. Simply put, there is no way to convince a woman that you are a stand up, high quality suitor with your empty works.
You must let your actions speak for themselves.
Again, this doesn’t mean exude douchiness. It also helps immensely to learn the basics of eye-catching body language.
How you chose to carry yourself externally can help her gain clues to who you are inside. As they often say, this is what truly matters most.
Do your homework.
Work to convey your unique personality through gestures and motions. For example, show her that you are a fun-loving guy by flashing that gorgeous smile of yours. Love humor? Crack a few tasteful jokes to let her know you can make the best of a sometimes uncomfortable situation.
Another way to show her that you are not like other guys out there is to avoid the needy behavior that has previously encouraged her run in the opposite direction. Refrain from complimenting her on something strikingly obvious (stay away from the “you have a beautiful body/smile/or hair” discussion).
Don’t rest of the predictable, stale chit chat. Ask her questions that will get her thinking: In her opinion what’s the best Beatles album? What is her favorite travel destination? This is the stuff real conversations are made of—plus she won’t immediately tune you out.
Keep in mind, if you are coming from a place reeking of desperation or neediness you will squash any chance you may have of her developing romantic feelings or a basic mutual attraction.
That said, it is essential that some sort of sexual tension exist between the two of you. Make sure to leave a bit of room for an air of mystery. While you’ll want her to know you may be interested it never hurts to keep her wondering “just how in to me is he?” “Is he just a funny guy who can chat up anybody?”
Most guys are hypnotized—for lack of a better term—by a woman’s looks. Trust me, she’s all to used to this and while it may be flattering it is not the stuff relationships are made of.
Instead of babbling about her smile, keep her on her toes and tease her a bit. For example, “you know, drinking pumpkin beer after Halloween is like wearing white after Labor Day.”
Most guys are a bit too scared to good naturedly poke-fun at an attractive women, but this is often a great way to catch her off guard and get her to laugh with you. In fact, many women are more irritated by men ogling them and pleading for their number without even trying to impress. Hey, you’re there to have fun too, so relax a bit and let your personality shine through.
The simple act of being your fun-loving and respectful self will almost instantly gain interest from the opposite sex.
As soon as she feels as though the pressure if off (as in, “oh fantastic, here comes yet another jerk suitor I will have to politely turn down“) she’ll get to thinking “hmm, here is a guy who is chatting me up, but he has failed to hit on me. What exactly is going on here?” And with that—without her realizing—you’ll have effectively turned the dating tables on her.
From this point, she may even try to convince you that she is in fact attractive and interested in your continued attention. This is where the magic happens. Make some plans to see her again. Offer to take her to coffee, lunch or suggest catching a local band’s performance together. This keeps things light.
Additionally, these are all great options to easily get to know each other further. Plus, coffee shops, crowded brunch restaurants and concerts venues are all places where a silence or two will go unnoticed.
That is just how the game is played: it is truly all about personality and being comfortable making clever conversation.
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