Most men love to brag to their buddies about their prowess when it comes to flirting with women. But, truth be told, most men find flirting stressful, or even downright scary. And, from a woman’s perspective, most men just don’t know how to flirt with women. Period.
The true objective of the flirting game is to understand how to use both your body and body language in a way that makes you come off as fun and attractive to a woman, and helps to create the right amount of sexual tension in the woman to an extent that she agrees to give you her number, or go out with you or even sleep with you.
Well, that’s definitely easier said than done. How exactly do you pull this off? How do you know the right things to say when you are with a girl you want to hit on? What if you end up saying the wrong things and ruin any chances of winning her over? What is the right order for doing things when flirting with women?
Learn To Be In the Moment
When you think of the entire flirting process in a methodical way, the sheer complexity of it all is enough to make you feel like throwing in the towel. But that’s exactly where most guys get it wrong. Flirting was never meant to be done from a strict code or guidelines. You don’t have to have a rehearsed set of lines to say to a woman when flirting. Trust me, trying to play the game this way will not only create a lot of flirting stress, but also result in the woman ending up thinking you are some kind of robot or find you incredibly boring, which is exactly the kind of vibe you don’t want to create.
Sure, some topics or conversations are very effective at lighting up the mood and elevating the sexual tension. Learning a few simple lines might also help you quickly build rapport with almost any woman. But trying to remember a rehearsed routine is rarely a successful way to flirt with a woman. You see your brain is wired to respond to stress by taking the easy way out—fight or flee! When you make the whole flirting game so formal and stiff, your brain interprets it as a threat and sends signals to your adrenal glands and other fear centers in your body to increase the levels of stress hormones in your body.
Of course the brain was wired to do this over millions of years to help our caveman ancestors fight with or flee from dangerous predators like saber-tooth tigers or run down fleeing prey. Problem is that old habits die hard and your brain still responds the same way when it sees a woman as a threat as it does when you are running from a 500-pound lion. And, nothing destroys performance more effectively than stress does. Stress can make you incoherent, make your whole body sweaty and your heart beat wildly. This is hardly conducive to creating a good environment for flirting.
In short, leave that script back at home, sit back, relax and let things flow.
Ok, now that we have dispelled the notion that you have to follow a rehearsed script when flirting, I’m sure you must be wondering what to say to the woman. When approaching a woman, it’s important to remember that she is only human. Guys often get wrapped up in their own nervousness and anxiety so much that they forget that girls are human and have their own insecurities as well. You need to remind yourself that the girl you are approaching is probably just as anxious as you are. This will make you feel more at ease.
What if the woman responds rudely? Tease Her. Yeah, it’s as simple as that. Just tease her. Many women tend to be very good at putting up a wall when approached by a man for the first time. If the woman acts indifferent or even speaks rudely to you, avoid the temptation to take offense or even running for the hills. Instead, flip over her game. One of the best way to do this is to meet her curt remarks with a good dose of self-deprecating humor. Deliberately misinterpret her comments by saying something like ”so, you would like to know me better?” Most women are likely to be caught off-guard by such remarks and this allows you to take control of the situation.
Alternatively, you can pretend that you did not hear what she said and say something like ”No, I don’t think going for the movie is fun; I would be delighted to buy you a drink though.” Just avoid getting drawn into her mind games because trying to verbally outmaneuver a woman is like swimming against rip currents—your chances of winning are slim-to-none. Teasing tends to work well because it shows that you are confident and cannot be easily offset by her melodrama. In fact, teasing is almost sexual in and of itself because it lends itself easily to anticipation, fantasy and pushing back the boundaries.
Bring your A-Game
Act confident even if you don’t actually feel that way. One well-known psychological trick is known as acting yourself into feeling something. If you are sad and want to be happy, just start acting as if you are actually happy and you will start attracting happiness. The same case applies to confidence. Just start acting confident and very soon you will start to feel that way. Of course you need to avoid coming off as being brash. Start talking to the girl with a smile on your face. Ask her a lot of questions. Most girls love talking about themselves.
Non-Verbal Cues Matter
Some dating gurus tell guys that looks really don’t matter much. That’s a load of hogwash. A girl will judge a guy based on his appearance even before the guy approaches the girl. The kind of impression you create on her will determine her attitude towards you when you eventually start talking to her. Always make a point of being decently dressed and taking care of your appearance. Looking good will not only create a good impression on the girl, but will have an amazing effect on your own confidence as well.
Keep Her Guessing
Once you have hit it off with your girl, make sure she never gets too comfortable or complacent. Keep her guessing what’s really on your mind. One day act like you are really interested in her and the next time act like you are not too interested. Make her work hard trying to figure you out. This will keep her interested in you longer. A girl is bound to lose interest in a guy when the guy is too predictable.
With this bag of tricks, you should have little trouble flirting with a woman. In fact, if you can master these tricks, you will become a master at the game. You will also discover that flirting with a woman really isn’t that hard.
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