There. I said it. While quite the taboo subject, masturbation is the cause (or lack thereof) of many common problems that men have including those men who are desensitized, cum too quickly during sex, or have trouble getting or maintaining erections. I believe that for those people, their problems may stem from improper masturbation. As someone who used to have these problems, I thought I’d weigh in and write a guide that I can share.
In this guide I will lay out some rules for masturbating, the details of how to follow those rules, and finally the theory behind why the rules matter. I imposed these rules on myself and I experienced the following benefits:
- Increased ability to get an erection with a partner
- Increased staying power
- Better orgasms
- Better feeling during PIV
These benefits form a positive feedback loop. Once you start seeing benefits, your confidence will grow and you will only see increased benefit.
A few things to clear up first:
- This guide is aimed at penis-havers who want to improve their sexual performance
- This guide discusses sexual dysfunction, but it is aimed at men who can achieve full erection and orgasm naturally (“all the pipes work”)
- This guide is what worked for me, and is totally my opinion. I don’t claim for it to be correct or the only way to do it
- I’m not against pornography, but have reservations about its overuse
- If you don’t follow this guide and still have a great sex life, that’s great! I’m happy to hear it
- Use lube always.
- Never masturbate for less than 10 minutes at a time.
- Only masturbate when you are already horny.
- Treat porn as a luxury, not a necessity.
- Use lube always:You should never masturbate without lubrication. You can start dry but once you’re erect it’s time to get wet. I recommend coconut oil, or whatever other lubricant you would use when having sex. Be generous with it – really grease that pole.
- Never masturbate for less than 10 minutes at a time: Make it a marathon, not a sprint. If you can’t make it to 10 minutes of full stimulation without cumming, then you need to ease the fuck off and edge yourself or stop completely until you are calm enough to continue without cumming. Change your grip, use a light touch, ease off the porn, do whatever you have to do to get to 10 minutes. After that you can cum whenever you like.
- Only masturbate when you are already horny:You should never masturbate just because you’re bored. Watching porn to get horny first does not count.
- Treat porn as a luxury, not a necessity: just because you have porn doesn’t mean you need it. Occasionally practice masturbating just with your imagination. If you find it impossible to become erect or achieve orgasm without pornography, you might want to check out r/NoFap.
The driving principle behind these rules is this: treat masturbation like training for sex
- Use lube always:This one is simple. Good sex is wet. Dry sex is not good sex.When you use lube, you are mimicking the kinds of sensations you can expect during sex. You will find that it feels better than going dry, and is all around more natural.
When you jerk off dry, you are training your brain to respond to dry stimulation. This causes desensitization because it is very rough compared to a vagina. This makes sex less enjoyable because you are used to harder stimulation.
Paradoxically, jerking off dry also makes you cum sooner during sex. Your body isn’t used to the wetness, and this puts your mojo off balance, making you last shorter.
- Never masturbate for less than 10 minutes at a time: Many men masturbate like a firework – they shoot up and up and up and explode a minute later. Then, when they are having sex, they do the same thing! You might call it “rubbing one out”, but I call it premature ejaculation. You can’t expect to last long during sex if you are racing to the finish line every time you jerk off!You need to train your body to treat all sexual activities like a marathon, not a sprint. Just like a marathon, this will be difficult for beginners. It is hard to maintain the stamina and self control needed to hit that 10 minute mark. Just like a marathon, you do not need to go full force the whole time! You can take breaks, go slowly, even remove stimulus entirely. All that matters here is that you are staying aroused for the full time. As you gain confidence and awareness of when you are about to cum, you can ratchet up the intensity until you eventually hit a full 10 minutes of stroking.
Another thing to mention is that masturbating longer makes masturbating better! You will cum harder and with more volume the longer you stay aroused.
Once your body is accustomed to being horny for longer periods of time, you will have more confidence during foreplay and intercourse, and more staying power. Your partner will also thank you for sticking around!
- Only masturbate when you are already horny: This rule is all about equating pleasure with horniness and nothing else. If you masturbate just because you are bored, you are hitting your brain’s pleasure centers with nothing but the act itself to focus on. You are mindlessly pursuing pleasure. This makes sex less special.You want sex to be special because you want to get the most out of it. Think about the object of your desire. Maybe it’s that cute girl with heart-shaped ass who lives in your building. Maybe it’s the nice perky tits on the last woman you had sex with it. You want the object of your desire to be something real and worth working for. If you cheapen it by hitting the orgasm button when you aren’t even horny, then your body won’t try especially hard when you do get the chance.
- Treat porn as a luxury, not a necessity: Porn is the worst best thing to happen to sex. If you’re already horny from fantasizing, then actually seeing something in a picture or video can make you go wild. However, porn is a mood-altering drug, and it can become addictive. It can become a crutch. If you become reliant on porn, you are in for a rude awakeningwhen you have sex.Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED) is a real thing, and it SUCKS. Imagine one night you’re jerking off and you’re hard as a rock. Then, the next night, you finally bring home that girl with the ass from (3) and you can’t get hard with her. WTF?! You know all the plumbing works, and her ass is so hot you can fry an egg on it! What’s wrong?
Sex is more of a mental thing than many guys give it credit for. Your dick might be a 7 inch cum cannon but your brain is the one that has to load it. So, when we use porn every single time we masturbate, we are training our brains to become aroused with this great big visual stimulus right in front of us. It becomes a crutch.
That’s not to say that you should swear off porn. Porn is not in and of itself unhealthy. It’s how you use it. Think of it like alcohol. It’s great and healthy to get drunk occasionally and have a great time! However, if you are doing it all the time, and find that you can’t have fun without drinking, then you have a problem. It’s all about moderation.
How do you know if it’s a problem? Just try to masturbate with no porn. If you can get all the way erect and cum without any porn, just your imagination, then you are healthy! If not, you should consider why you can’t do it and whether you think it’s a problem.
If you do find yourself reliant on pornography, I highly recommend r/NoFap. They are a supportive community with lots of information on how to deal with this problem.
I just want everyone to have the best sex lives they possibly can. I think that starts with correct practice when you are alone. Masturbating is the best way to get fully in tune with your body and learn your limits, but if you do it incorrectly you can end up adversely affecting your sex life.
Following the rules and theory I have laid out here should increase your confidence and stamina, which drives a positive feedback loop that leads to sexual performance!
There it is, that’s my guide! I hope you found this collection of my personal insights to be helpful with whatever problems you may or may not have. I welcome any comments and criticism, and of course, would love to see this shared. Just remember that this is all my opinion, and I don’t claim that it is the right way or the only way.
Thanks for reading and Happy Fucking!