Pop quiz! Do people tell you that you need to be more outgoing and sociable to meet women? Do people tell you that you’re a good listener? Do you hate going to noisy, crowded clubs? Do you hate going to parties? Do you feel worn out after going to a big bash? Do people describe you as mellow or easygoing?
If you answered “yes” to these questions, you are an introvert.
It is relatively simple to meet women at bars and parties if you are a naturally outgoing guy who thrives in a crowd. However, if you are the kind of person who does not like to make small talk or feels drained by a crowd, then dating can be a frustrating experience for you. I’ve put together some essential dating tips for introverted guys to help you out.
Do you Need to be an Extrovert to Succeed with Women?
If you are like most introverted guys trying to learn more about socializing and dating, you’ve probably noticed how most of the tips and advice out there seems to be for outgoing people. They say you need to party more, to speak up more, to drink more, and meet new women every day. It’s like they want to force you to be an extrovert and change who you are. They have us convinced that we need to be more seductive, attractive, and extroverted. As an introvert, I don’t want to do that.
It is extremely frustrating because following the tips and tricks that pickup artists teach simply feels wrong. Both mainstream society and pickup artists just don’t understand what it means to be an introvert. You’ll be surprised to learn that you can still have your choice of women, get a girlfriend or wife, and get laid without having to change who you are. In fact, hooking up with hot women can actually be easier as an introverted guy. Let me say that again. Hooking up with women can actually be easier.
Many of my female friends think that introverted guys are hot! They think we are more introspective, mysterious, deep, less likely to cheat, and highly sensitive. You can be an incredibly seductive and successful pickup artist while still being true to your introverted self. Don’t fool yourself into believing that you can simply become an extrovert. Stop listening to the mainstream hype. Stop competing on terms that favor naturally extroverted guys. If you learn how to use your introversion to your advantage, you will leave those extroverted guys in the dust.
Here are a few dating tips for introverted guys:
• Know where to meet women
One of the most daunting challenges for introverted guys is knowing the best places to meet single women. While breaking out of your comfort zone on occasion can be good for you, you may find it extremely difficult to approach a complete stranger and attempt to strike a conversation that hopefully leads to a date.
So, try meeting women at places that play out your strengths and benefit your temperament. You can’t dig for oil or gold in a city street. In the same way, an introvert is less likely to find love in a club, shot bar, or big party. Therefore, try out online dating, use your social circle, or find a place, such as a park or a laid back coffee shop, that makes you feel comfortable. Other ideal venues for introverts to meet women include:
• Outdoor events, like rock climbing and hiking
• Foodie meet-up groups
• Art openings and museum exhibits
• Fess Up
Many introverted guys like to pretend to be social butterflies. You need to understand that there is nothing wrong with being an introvert. Just be true to yourself and tell your date if you need time to fall in love or are looking for a friendship first. If you do this, you will attract a woman who will really appreciate you and scare away a few flakes.
• Look for subtle connections
Most of the time, people get so flooded by things to look out for and first impressions that it becomes difficult for them to feel what it’s like to spend time with a person and talk. You need to make sure that you are actually having a good time with your date.
• Build rapport
Contrary to what many people think, introverts are excellent rapport builders. They actually have greater depth in their relationships and a greater need for intimacy than extroverts. They would much rather have a better connection with each person in a small social circle than have less emotional intimacy with a large group of people.
This propensity towards intimacy and rapport building can help an introverted guy massively in the dating and mating game. Women need comfort and trust to build an emotional connection with men, and introverted guys deliver this in spades.
• Beware of takers
Introverts tend to be givers. We often do whatever it takes to accommodate others. We pay attention, listen, and want to be there for the people we care about. When it comes to the dating scene, you need to make sure that you are also on the receiving side of the equation. If you are forced to ask time and again to be included or for romantic gestures, you are signing up for a rough ride down the road.
• Go easy on the booze
Most introverts have gone through a phase where they used alcohol as a social lubricant to ease themselves into the socializing mode. At least I did. If you are in an environment where you aren’t usually comfortable in, you might find yourself craving a little alcohol to calm your nerves. However, you need to be careful not to overdo it. It is easy to pass the magic line between calm and sloppy drunk. If you are on a date, especially the first date, keep it to a couple of drinks max.
Everyone, whether introverted or not, need some alone time. There is nothing wrong with you if you find yourself craving some down time away from your intimate relationship or social life. Make sure you give yourself enough time to recharge.
Regardless of how a person’s personality is wired, every relationship has its challenges. Fortunately, a willingness to understand, accept, and adapt can make any relationship work, no matter how introverted or extroverted a person is. These dating tips for introverted guys will help you find your dream girl.