Well-meaning people will tell you that attraction is not a choice, and you have probably heard that line repeated time and time again in relation to dating and meeting women. While it may sound like good advice, you may not have thought what it means to you and your relationships.
Consider this: if attraction is not a choice in women, it is also not a choice for you. Where attraction is concerned, you simply do not control the steering wheel and you are neither the driver nor the pilot. When real, spontaneous attraction happens, it happens – whether or not you have permission.
Here’s what I would like you to consider:
When attraction is not a choice, something else happens that is beyond your will to change what and how you feel. Contrary to what you may be thinking right now, it can be good for you. Why? Because this is the unconscious taking over, that part of you that is externally dependent.
Now let’s take a look at how your mind really works. I’m quite sure you have a nice, long list of factors that determine your attraction. If you look closely, you will find that these factors are actually things that determine whether you allow yourself to feel attraction or not.
It is an experience, after all and the even better news is that you can have this experience at any time.
Why is Attraction So Elusive?
In every man there is an inner editor. Whether you admit it or not, there is a part of your brain that edits how you feel based not just on your preferences, experiences and background, but also on the expectations of others, particularly those around you.
Very often (and you may not know it), you feel attraction to women – a lot of them – but you deny it to yourself because it is not something you want to be responsible for.
Here are two very common situations where you deny yourself the possibilities of your attraction:
Scenario 1: You see a beautiful woman and you are very attracted. However, she seems intimidating for some reason and approaching her seems like a lot of work. So you try your best to simply ignore her, pretend that you didn’t even notice, pretend that she does not exist.
Scenario 2: You meet a woman you feel a strong attraction to and you admit to yourself that it is some of the best feelings you’ve ever had, except that she is not what your friends would consider attractive. You give in to peer pressure and instead of acting on that wonderful new attraction with plenty of potential, you suppress it and look for someone else you know your friends and acquaintances would consider attractive.
How unfortunate that you would be denying yourself of a perfectly fine opportunity to get to know someone and maybe begin something that you would totally enjoy.
I am not saying that you are doing the wrong thing. What I’m trying to say is that by denying that attraction, you are missing out and will continue to miss out. Imagine if that happens in your life again and again. You would be missing out countless times because of obstacles that you yourself placed in your path.
Are You Your Own Worst Enemy?
We all have criteria and requirements for everything in our lives – the type of houses we want to live in, cars we want to drive, the type of success we can enjoy at work and in personal relationships, even the looks and statistics of the opposite sex. We make a list of characteristics that a person has to meet for her to be considered attractive.
But just because she missed a few marks and failed a few points, does that mean that she cannot be attractive? Think about it. After all, you are the one looking. You are the one who appreciates and yet, this capability to assess and evaluate may just be the very thing that prevents you from meeting a wonderful woman.
Getting It Perfectly
Another argument I hear frequently is from men who insist that they want to wait for the perfect woman. That’s well and good but then again they forget one fact: every woman you’ll ever meet is perfect. That woman you just met who had a great smile, a terrific sense of humor and beautiful lips may not be the redheaded supermodel you are pining for but she may be perfect for you.
This is another mistake (and a very unfortunate one) that I see many men make:
They ignore or even reject a lot of great women because they do not want to be rejected themselves. It is almost a game they play, the kind where the one who rejects first is the winner. After all, it is easier not to feel bad if you reject a woman first before she even thinks about saying no to you.
By controlling how you feel attraction, you actually lose control. Only by letting go and accepting how you feel will you really enjoy the potential that is being set up before you.
Keep in mind that attraction can be an energizing factor and it can keep you moving forward and becoming progressive. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that feeling.
Is Being in Control Always a Good Thing?
Men like control. We do like being the leaders, the captains, the ones who hold the power of the steering wheel. And when it comes to attraction, we want to call the shots. There are, however, moments in our lives when something takes over and we’d be fools to let it get away.
When attraction happens, give it the attention it deserves. Attraction, especially the good kind, is very energizing and it opens up different doors, each one an opportunity to find, explore and enjoy a whole new experience.
Here is something I want you to think about:
Just because you do not feel any attraction to a woman does not mean the end of your social life. And just because she does not feel the same about you does not mean the end of hers. When you feel attraction, it’s perfectly acceptable to let go and enjoy it. You will still be in control but in that moment, you choose to let go of the reins. It really is still your own choice.
Do not be afraid of deep attraction, especially to a very interesting woman. Accept it and appreciate it for what it is and what it can offer you. You’ll be amazed at what you might find.