Travelling is good, travelling on your own is better–at least when it comes to developing your personality. There is something magical about being exposed to different environments and cultures.
I’ve been away from home for 3 years now, and whenever I visit a new place, I pick up some valuable lessons about myself and meeting girls.
Here is what I’ve learned so far:
1) Embrace The Unpredictable
Both traveling and meeting girls are unpredictable ventures. As men, we like to categorize things and systematize our efforts. But oftentimes these efforts don’t help.
Just when you think you’ve found the answer, you fall flat on your face. You might have the perfect vacation, and then your bag gets stolen. You’ve just started to see through her, and then she hit’s you with something completely unexpected.
There are things in life that aren’t predictable. Dating is one of them. While it might be a great idea to read up on different aspects of being attractive, there is no value in waiting until you’ve figured it all out. You never will. Relationships mean chaos.
The best thing you can do is to go with your gut feeling, dive in and enjoy the ride. Use your brain and experience, but never expect that it’s going to turn out as you’ve planned.
2) It’s Easy
But it’s also easy to make it seem harder than it is.
Before you started reading dating advice, you might have been absolutely clueless. In that sense, it was simple. You did things that you expected to work (although they didn’t). Now that you’re ‘enlightened’, however, it has gotten complicated.
What to say, when to say it, and how to say it are just a few of the things you can overthink when you learn to meet girls.
Only after you’ve tried stuff and had some ‘successes’ will you finally rediscover the simplicity of it all. It’s nothing but a meeting between a woman a man.
Traveling solo teaches you just that. Meeting girls becomes simple again. You’re just a guy from another country, she’s just a local girl. Perhaps you don’t understand each other. Or you’re both tourists from the same country.
It doesn’t matter what it is, but there is something primal about meeting girls when you travel. There’s no thinking required. It’s simple.
3) It’s Not About Perfection
Travel and meeting girls are both unpredictable. So why in the world would you try to do all the right things? You can’t.
Perfectionism is one of the number one success-killers when it comes to dating. Travel teaches you to eliminate it.
You walk around smelling badly, your trip doesn’t turn out as you’ve planned. And yet, you make a great connection with a beautiful girl that day.
I strongly advise you to shower on a regular basis, but you don’t have to be perfect to be attractive.
The opposite is the case. Girls like men with edges.
Stop trying to be a complete man. You don’t have to say all the right things and do everything right. Dare to be imperfect.
4) It’s Up to You
When you travel by yourself there is nobody to take care of you. You have to find accommodation by yourself, communicate with the local food vendor and find your way back to the airport. It’s all in your hands.
One big mistake that men make with women is that they wait for stuff to happen. It rarely does.
Not because women can’t make decisions, no. But the usual dynamic between a man and a woman is that when they’re together, she enjoys to feel his decisiveness–most of the time.
It’s your job to sense what she wants most in the moment. And then you lead her to do just that.
But if you can’t even lead yourself, how can you possibly take care of two people?
When you meet a woman, you’re in charge. If she feels that you can’t handle that role, she’ll probably be turned off.
Note: Remember the lesson about unpredictability. You never know. There will be situations where a girl will do all the work for you, and where it’s totally cool for you to lean back.
5) You Don’t Need Any Woman
One of the greatest lessons of traveling solo is this: There is an endless amount of beautiful and relaxed girls.
Oftentimes, guys have problems with neediness when they date a girl. They call too much, give too much, care too much. It’s not that caring is bad, but if she feels she’s more important than anything else in the world, it can turn her off (especially early in a relationship).
Traveling solo will help you overcome neediness forever.
You meet people from all over the world, become best friends for a week, and then never see them again. The same thing will happen in the next city.
And then you meet a girl you have a great connection with. You really don’t want to leave, but you have to. Soon after, you get to know a lady that is just as cool–in a completely different place.
It’s inevitable that you start to believe that you’ll be able to meet girls regardless of place, time, or situation. The experience will be reflected in your behavior.
6) It’s About What Matters To You
There is countless men who don’t chase girls because they want to. They do it because they think a cool guy is supposed to sleep with many women.
It’s a profound issue because even if you reach your goals, you will end up dissatisfied. It’s better to figure out what matters to you before you go after the wrong vision.
Traveling solo teaches you to be more authentic. You might start out visiting all kinds of sights and museums. Then you realize you don’t care about anything but local food.
You learn that you actually hate to share dorm rooms with other people, or that you prefer mountains over the beach. In any case you realize that what really matters to you is different from what you thought.
The lesson is easily translated into the dating realm.
You become ruthless about what you want from it.
Maybe you didn’t even want to have sex with as many girls as possible–you wanted a great relationship. Or you stop dating women that are not totally on the same wavelength as you are.
When you travel on your own you’re forced to face your own preferences. It’s these that will make you succesful with girls, too.
7) You are Enough
The by far most valuable lesson solo traveling will teach you is that whatever you do, wherever you go: you are enough.
The only thing that really changes in your life is the experiences you have. The knowledge that you are enough remains.
You wake up in different places, with different people, in different moods. But it’s still you.
The biggest issue men have with dating is that they believe they have to be someone else to be attractive. They think they have to be louder, ripped or ‘alpha’. It’s a lie, and it leads to bad results. Most women immediately sense when a guy is putting on a schtick.
Travel teaches you to accept yourself as you are, and to value your own character. You acknowledge that it’s good to be authentic. You stop pretending.
And isn’t that what it’s all about, to stop pretending?
It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that you want to meet girls because, well, that’s what you want.
But the truth is, you probably want to get certain things to live a life of authenticity. It feels right to have that girlfriend. Having sex with different partner is what you love. You want it because you think it’s who you are.
So why not get what you want by being who you are?
About The Author
David Eschenlohr the author of Rite of Passage, a world traveller and salsa-enthusiast. On his website, he helps driven men break free from self-help, pickup and media conditioning, and figure out what they really want to do in life.
You can follow David on Facebook, Twitter & Youtube.