There is more to attraction than just spontaneous combustion and unexplained magnetism between two creatures. True, you can get past beyond flirting and may even begin dating that special person who has piqued your interest, but to truly enjoy a fruitful relationship, you need a good follow through… and then some.
I could probably give you a long list of things to do to keep the attraction strong and active but when it comes to dating and relationships, tips are a dime a dozen.
To keep things simple, I will discuss the different ways to kill attraction, why you need to avoid them and what you can do to correct the situation. Take note of these mistakes so you know how to avoid them.
1. Talk About Your Past Relationships
Sooner or later, you will have to discuss your exes once the relationship has progressed. However, during the initial stages of dating and flirting, talk of past loves should be considered a relationship taboo. This is easily one of the ways to kill attraction because the other person might think you are too attached to your ex or that you may not be over her.
After all, no one wants to be the transitional date, girlfriend/boyfriend, or significant other. You wouldn’t want to be one yourself, would you?
As much as possible, stay in your current state and situation. Focus on the girl, get to know her better, listen to what she has to say and let her know you are interested in her, in the here and now.
2. Look at Everything Except Her Eyes
Here’s the thing: there is absolutely nothing wrong with making eye contact. I understand that sometimes, the act leaves you feeling a little vulnerable and you may not like the discomfort it brings.
However, establishing and maintaining eye contact is not just an important component of flirting, it is also a way to build a connection and trust between two people. Even if you know what to say to create attraction, you will not get anywhere if you can’t make eye contact.
Women do not just judge a man by the way he communicates with words. They also put a premium on the way a man communicates with his body. Not looking in her eyes is not you being mysterious and just shy – it’s you being secretive and dubious.
When you want to stay in the dating game, you do not want to be seen as someone who is untrustworthy, sneaky or just plain creepy. Go ahead – when you want to say something or ask her a question, look her in the eye. It shows that you are a confident man, very much interested and in the moment, and trustworthy.
3. Avoid Touching
Even if you are not the touchy-feely type or you may think that touching another person should be reserved for intimate moments only, there is nothing wrong with brief and friendly touches.
Crossing the barrier of personal space takes a lot of confidence. It also shows that you are interested, that you want to get close (but not too close, at least not yet).
One of the best ways to kill attraction is to keep your hands down and away from her. It’s one thing to keep a respectable distance, at least initially but it’s another thing to make the girl feel as if you find her mildly repulsive.
Touching someone is a way to let her know you like her and it is also a way to find out if there is chemistry between you. Keep it platonic and casual. You could, for example, touch her lightly on her back as you are going out the door, touch her arm as you go up the stairs or offer your hand as she steps out of the car. Touching casually is also an excellent flirting technique, especially if it seems natural, almost nonchalant.
If you do it right, it can be an excellent way to break the ice and get her to trust you.
4. Undersell Your Own Personal Worth
Women find a confident man irresistible because it shows that you know who you are and are comfortable with it. If you present yourself as someone who is way below her level, then she will treat you as such. If you are unsure of who you are, a woman will find out sooner or later because it will show, no matter how much you try to show off or bring on the swag.
If you have a low self-image, no amount of swagger and figurative chest-thumping will get you anywhere. If you’re shy or lack the self-confidence that will get you started in the dating scene, work on your self-image first. Learn your value as a man and as a person, know who you are and build your confidence. She will appreciate you more.
5. Ignore What She’s Trying to Tell You
When you become active in the dating scene, you and the person you are dating will learn how to speak to spark attraction. This is all part of the process. However, no amount of nice words and flattering phrases will work their magic if you fail to pay attention to what your date is trying to say.
When you are at the initial stages of getting to know someone, take note of every reaction that follows your speech and action. When you approached her and said hello, did she acknowledge you, say hello and look interested, or did she merely nod and turn away? Let’s say you talked about your hobbies. Did she maintain eye contact, nod and encourage you to talk more, or did she look elsewhere, fiddle with her drink and stifle a yawn?
Learn to read her body language and the kind of reactions she shows. More often than not, these are more telling of how she really feels. Sometimes, the woman you are with is merely trying to be polite or waiting for you to say the right words. That’s her giving you a chance, so don’t waste it. Don’t get carried away by your emotions, excitement and enthusiasm. You’re not the only person in the room. Focus on your date and take note of her reactions. That way, you’ll know whether both of you are getting something started or you’re both just wasting each other’s time.
There are plenty of ways to kill attraction but the list I provided above are common deal breakers. You know what they are and if you catch yourself doing any of them, immediately correct yourself and do the right thing. Keep in mind that the date is not all about you – it’s all about her. Make her feel special and give her your attention without being submissive or condescending. Your interests do matter but you’re better off showing your date that you are, indeed, interested in her and her only.